It feels weird to have a good day on Remembrance Day; I can’t help but think I should spend the day being contemplative and sad. But, today, I got to do all of the wonderful things that make me truly grateful for the sacrifices that have been made by those who came before me, and I am thankful for it.
I got to sleep in, curled up in bed with my puppy. I had a bad dream that my boyfriend helped chase away with kisses before he left for the office. I used the energy that is usually sucked out of my soul by my job to fold and put away laundry, to wash dishes, to sweep the floor, and put errant objects in their proper places. I took Annie for a walk in the beautiful but brief period of sun we had this afternoon; the air had a bite to it but it only made me feel more alive. Then, I watched cartoons while texting my best friend.
All of these activities must seem pretty insignificant to you real go-getters out there, but, to me they are the stuff of life.
You see, I’m currently going through a pretty intense depressive period. Things have been steadily declining – save for an inspiring and soul-saving trip to NYC that I’ll blog more on later – and its to the point where I am having difficulty just getting through the day in one piece.
I can’t help but wonder what the soldiers who fought in the world wars, who have fought in any wars on the side of good at any point throughout history, would think about me and my mental health. I wonder if they would judge me negatively for suffering from this invisible disease that so many people still dismiss. I spent years feeling guilt for not being as strong as everyone else, and I still feel the guilt on days like today. But, I try to focus on my gratitude, and make a stronger commitment to finding the beauty in every little thing. Cause, people died for these little things. For me. Thank you.